No, I'm not Michael Pollan.
Nor am I trying to be. Michael got it right when he chose his dilemma - he chose to be a writer, and wrote about many things. This appealed to him. He ended up writing a book about health that many people love and revere. Two books. Three, maybe. Where did his journey start?
Now I'm looking him up.
Here it is:
"Pollan received a B.A. in English from Bennington College in 1977 and an M.A. in English from Columbia University in 1981."
—http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Pollan
So, like everyone else who does anything, Michael Pollan got his degree when he was just 22 years old - 2 years BEHIND where I currently am, and then he continued his degree to get his Masters degree by the time he was 26. So, he had his Master's degree by the time he was my age. So I'm really far behind. Like my father would say, I've "fiddle fucked around" for too long now.
The dilemma is the triple fork in the road that I am currently facing, if you're wondering. You see, I've fallen in love with a Ménage à trois of ideals that I want to guide my life. Unlike Michael Pollan, I have not stuck to one thing and been happy with it. His parents probably made him that way.
Let's start way back at the beginning, and see if we can't figure this thing out.
Once upon a time in 1990, two lucky recipients of a child took their baby home to a small wooded area of northern California called Pioneer. The father, GR, worked long hours at a can manufacturing facility that his brother got him a job at in Fairfield, CA, two hours away.
So for fourteen years, GR drove nearly four hours every day to work. He was a worker. G had romanced the idea of becoming other things, perhaps bigger and better things, however he merely completed a technical degree from a trade school and was able to do some mechanical maintenance on the can machines in between his time driving and living. So he kind of went on to something bigger and better.
JR, formerly JR, had worked in the military on microwave electronics among other things. She also just worked her job — nothing personal about what she did, she just did it, learned it, and went with it. All those little passions in her life that she would later always talk about getting to — skirt making, some other kind of personal business — went by the wayside, and once she had little ER (me) then she stayed at home for the next twelve years. She did some other work when the going got tough.
Little ER grew up loving the simple things in life, and he was a creative type.
ER loved to build things with Legos. However, when Mindstorm came out, little ER was too intimidated and didn't understand the new technology. He was afraid. So, he stuck with regular legos.
There were action figures and art, and then there were a few brief comic book figure years, and some small models that ER loved to paint. But really, most of these things were brought to him from the outside, and he was copying the love for the things rather than generating it himself. The music always came out of him, and the art with it, but the other loves came and went.
GR, JR, and ER all became JW's in 1995, and never looked back until 2013. This gave ER some other responsibilities that he liked so well, like dressing up in a suit and public speaking, in addition to writing reports that he would dictate to congregations of a hundred on Tuesday nights. ER took it all to heart, all the Christian guilt and all the rest of the parade, and loved it.
By the time the R family had moved to Sacramento in 2012, it was too late for little ER, however. He quickly got into trouble, angry at the strict, hypocritical views of his parents and their old, smelly congregation. He was banished when he was 17, and left. Music served little ER well through his teenage years, and it was all he really focused on. That and Adobe Photoshop. ER got into some web design, but somehow, like Lego Mindstorm, it never really took hold that he could program things to do things without his involvement. There was just something there that held him up.
At this point, ER wasn't sure what to do. He had dreams of becoming some kind of neurosurgeon or something really special and wonderful like that. In truth, he was a musician, and an alright one at that. Naturally, ER pursued his relationship with a girl, AK, now soon to be AA, and fell into the youthful trap of working at the large technology firm and then subsequently ruining everything once the going got tough. No job, no music, no nothing, and 21 year old ER was depressed beyond belief.
ER discovered permaculture and nutrition when his father GR may or may not have been diagnosed or misdiagnosed with cancer. He fell in love with the idea that he could save people's lives using nutrition, and proceeded to go outside and smoke cigarettes everyday, to fight the hypocrisy of his youth with the hypocrisy of his present.
ER quicky fell into partying and drugs, and then fell in love with NG while he was dying on the floor of some dark bedroom. He pursued NG and put off everything he wanted to do just to be with her. Not that it was her fault. It was ER's fault. He could have included everything that he wanted to do while he was with NG, and to some extent, he did. He held some good and memorable jobs. He did some cool stuff.
He learned. He lived. He loved.
Which brings us full around to my forked road - the omnivore's dilemma.
There are three things that I can imagine doing. No, there are one million. But there are three things, primary, that I can imagine doing. I'll detail some of the other ones here as well.
The first and most memorably important idea that I've come up with is to pursue the usually lucrative craft of being a nutritionist and health therapist. I've imagined studying the various health therapies that one can offer people to improve their quality of life, particularly those suffering from disease by showing them that diet and exercise and personal fulfillment are really the keys to a healthy life.
Now at this point in my life, I certainly haven't mastered this art for myself at all. Going into a course of study would certainly make me realize my own downfalls much more correct my own standards of living. This is the most holistic thing that I can think of to do with my time. When I say holistic, I mean that it is the most completely beneficial to all those involved — I get healthy, they get healthy. Being a dietitician allows me a lucrative career in helping people care for themselves, using food, which I also happen to love to cook and explore. Inside this vision, there are included a multitude of of stipulations about how I would like it to happen.
I would like to attend Bastyr University in Washington, a wonderful hippie palace of hippie inspiration and natural, ayurvedic ethics. Doesn't it all just sound great? They have "accredited" degrees that you can get in health, of course none of which are approved by the "Western Medical Society." There are always ways to open up practices in this country where people will come to let you heal them for money.
Doesn't it sound great?
It's just an idea that I'm holding onto. It's a real fork in the road. How would I ever come to do this in my current situation? How would I start? What more can I really say about it?
I'm being watched right now. I hate being watched. I don't know how to share my space. How do I just move through this process?
My head isn't clear. There's something swimming around in here, murking up all the water.
Now, where was I. Oh yes, being a health advisor.
Sounds great. Real noble. Nothing too professional about it, other than having some great knowledge. I guess that's a noble thing to do. Now that's gonna take up most all of my time, and how am I ever going to get serious about my life with the relationship that I'm currently in, sitting there, watching me? What kind of support will I ever get from that sort of thing? How is that benefiting me? Is this the real reason that I'm stuck?
It seems like it may be...
How could I ever take care of that? There are some ways... but what a way to go. What a failure on my part as well. I would have to fix that before I could really make any solid moves. The more that I go on, the more that I go on. I just want to fix everything and make it the way that it was before I showed up. That's a good way to put it. That's a good solution for that.
So what am I going to do in the meantime? Just sit here and sulk? Not make plans for the future? No! I have to make plans for the future! That's all I've been doing, and somehow now I think that I'm going to do it...
My plans have changed since the time that I started making plans. Plans, plans, plans, like you can just... plan out your life. Maybe that's the trickery that's coming over me - I think that I can just plan out my life. I can't. I can, to a point though - there are things that I can be doing that aren't subject to the influence of others.
Anything, really. I'm too open with my energy. I let them all take it. I give it all up to them and they don't even receive it.
Well this has all been therapeutic.
So health. Right. Healthiness. Practicing physical arts. Teaching classes about the physical arts. Becoming healthy. Chinese medicine. Food medicine. Right.
It sounds like too much of a good thing for me. Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of health.
So really, before I can come to a decision about what to do regarding my course of study, I need to get my own health up the level that I want it to be at. I have to do this while working in either of my courses of study, gaining competence in either of them before I decide to embark on a permanent studious adventure in some direction.
So what is it that I really need to accomplish for myself before I feel I can accurately make this sort of life changing choice?
I need to be healthier.
That's right - don't you remember, you fool!
How can I work on my personal health?
I will rise early.
I will practice Qi Gong.
I will eat a nutritious breakfast.
I will work until I eat a nutritious lunch.
I will practice my trade until supper, of equally nutritious value.
I will retire to my own studies. I am not ready for the study of others.
I will do something enjoyable for my self.
I will ask my questions before I sleep at night.
Now, considering that I have these construction projects in Plymouth that I'm working on, what is it that I can be working on in my spare time? I could be studying anything. But what is it that I want to study for myself? Really, I would like to study about Tai Chi, Qi Gong, and yoga. I think that those are very healthy things to do for exercise. Now that's coming straight out of my brain.
That's coming from my heart. Those are things that I touch on that touch my heartstrings.
What else touches on my heartstrings?
Thinking about providing for myself and the things that I want to do for the rest of my life, outside myself.
Or are there any things truly outside of myself?
I believe that teaching a form and a way of life is much different than constructing something.
Construction is something that's permanent, and huge. It is a creative endeavor, but can also be one that serves a need.
They say that the best things to invest in are water, food, and land. Health and Tai Chi aren't really on that list, in terms of things that you financially invest in. Sure, I could invest in those things with my money from being a Natural Health Nutritionist, or a Natural Health Doctor, or whatever it is that I'm trying to be. I could take my earnings from that and use them to build whatever personal projects that I want to build. That even includes my ultimate philosophical goal of an intentianal egalitarian healing resort community. Think about being a part of something like that.
Now to get there I have to learn to build that stuff, and I wonder, truly, if working for someone else all the time putting in their fucking lawn or pool or water system is a great thing to do instead? I can construct them houses, all sorts of things. I can construct and construct and construct, and I can do it in ways that are healthy for the environment and make me happy and make money and all sorts of things. Sure, I can do that. I can spend my life being healthy for myself, and focusing on building a healthy world around me (if I can make the work happen to do that), and then finally fund my dreams of building an egalitarian community extraordinaire. That's practical.
I want to build as a creative endeavor and as a healthy, physical trade for myself. I believe that taking care of my personal health and personal endeavors may overshadow my desire to learn how to cure people. I believe that I understand those principles, and that they are simple enough. Being healthy isn't necessarily hard. So why don't I focus on that for right now - my personal health? Then, I can have my creative outlet with building. I will be strong and creative and healthy.
That sounds good. And I can still go to Bastyr for whatever they are doing with permaculture. I wonder about that course...
Apparently the course is great - no - more than great.
"I had been at Microsoft working in business management for 12 years. At home I had been making my own herbal preparations and working a lot in my yard and helping my friends in their yards. I went on vacation with my husband and we started talking about what we want to do with the rest of our lives. Then I thought, “Well, I’ll see if Bastyr has anything I’m interested in.” I found the page for the Holistic Landscape Design program and knew instantly that I was going to do it."
—http://www.bastyr.edu/news/general-news/2013/06/permaculture-alumna-learns-observe-and-restore-landscapes
So there is something for me to do by taking an additional course up there and getting additionally certified. The real question is - where else could I get this education? I could always get it myself. It's not as if going to school is going to really do that for me. However, going to school would satisfy my ability to understand construction dynamics and engineering much more, which is a good sort of job to have if you want to stay active. Perhaps. Perhaps.
There is hope for me to get into edible landscaping and building with permaculture principles as long as I stick with the right people. Really, I don't need to get a degree for any of this. I really can learn it all by myself... why not, right?
So, get a job, learn by yourself, the end. You don't need anything else. Just copy the school program. You don't need to go to school. Or maybe you do, as part of your getting yourself together process. Hmm...
So there's building. Right? I can learn to build, maybe I don't have to go to school. Ok, fine. But it would be easy to get a position at an existing company if I had my design degree and was interested. They would hire me in a minute to do visualizations of people's yards and such. All while I'm really healthy. And I make money. And invest that in my own projects. And then, one day, I get all the people together to live together in the community that I built and landscaped.
That's it. The landscaping and the understanding of the physical principles of reality are more important in the grand scheme of things than the ability to administer health to people, because without the healthy food in the first place there would be nothing to administer to them. This is why I am pursuing this course.
The last and most cynical course is to pursue music and my book / film project, Plague Doctor.
I played so much music in my day... not nearly enough, of course, and not nearly enough fictional writing and idealizing about characters that don't exist. Getting lost in your own world...
But isn't that what life's really all about?
Having your mother change your pillowcases while you and your girlfriend sit around haplessly, doing nothing? Isn't that what getting lost in your own world is all about?
Why can't you just do everything that you want to do?
Right now, my problem is not having any money, because I'm going back to Plymouth tomorrow.
I could make money in Plymouth, somehow...
But how?
That's really the dilemma now. How do I do it?
And what am I going to do in the meantime...
